[ nopi's.outlet.1999 ]

Saturday, October 23, 1999 1:23:14 PM

well, i updated the site, much easier to update, so updates will be much more frequent. heh no more flashy graphics or anything. i figure, no one reads this anyway, 'cept for me. well... life is pretty decent... 'cept for the random flashbacks i have of certain events of the past. me and *her* don't even talk anymore, it's pretty sad. but i guess that's for the better. it's so ironic that i tried so hard to talk to her, cried so often, etc...and no i'm content with the two of us not talking. weird no? what brought all these memories was the the fact that i came across the .plan of steve gedikian who works at nullsoft (yes, the winamp people). here's a lil excerpt:

    "cause I can't be there any longer. Not cause I'm an immature little brat, cause that's not what I am...it's the fact that as long as I am around her, she will willingly or unwillingly make me fall for her again and again.. and there's nothing I can apparently do about it.. I am at my hearts mercy and the only way to save my self is to forget about the person that makes me whole."

sigh... cannot believe someone else has the same thoughts as me. i can never find the words to correctly describe how i feel, but i guess i found some embodied in the words of others. my friends will probably bitch at me or wut not for worrying about the past, because even now i know that there is nothing i can do about it. because, like steve i realize:

no matter what you do... no matter how caring, or how responsible, or understanding, or anything else you can be.... sometimes, it's just not enough.. cause you are simply not what they want...

that's it for today...off to go shoot some pool!